Brikey

As many of the last generation of social media superstars age out, get better gigs, fall in disgrace, or wear out their welcomes, a dewy new generation rises up to replace them. This new group, who I consider to be social media's third generation, may be even more facile, shallow, and unoriginal than the last, but by golly they are pretty, and I guess that's really the important thing.  Mikey Barone, age 17, made his name on YouNow. His bromantic partner Bryce Hall, 16, is most famous for being on Musical.ly.  

This is Mikey:

And this is Bryce:

I always think of YouNow less as where you go to become famous, and more of a place for the famous to interact with their fans in relative safely, but I guess not, and the fact that Musical.ly, which is nothing more than a lip sync app,  is even a thing, let alone a thing that has the power to create "stars," makes me weep for the future.  Of course, Mikey and Bryce are also on Twitter and Instagram, and appearing on meet and greet tours, were fans pay exorbitant sums to be in their presence. And they are on YouTube, making the exact same videos that Nash Grier and Cameron Dallas were perpetrating on the public four years ago: asinine "challenge" videos, "truth-telling" sessions that devolve into bragging about their sexual conquests, videos about messing up hotel rooms and throwing food at each other. They frequently pretend that they are going to kiss,  but pull back at the last minute, just so you know that they aren't really, well, you know. They are such close friends that they even have their own portmanteau, Brikey, which is just as thoughtful and original as the rest of their act.

I guess they do possess some charm and charisma, and they are pretty, there's no denying, but would it be to much to ask for someone who put minimal effort into their videos, who displayed some kind of self-awareness and intellectual curiosity along with their regular jejune antics?   Again though, pretty. 

American Cheese

Nineteen-year-old Colby Brock is, with his childhood friend Sam Golbach, one half of the popular Vine team Brock and Colby.  I find their content to be particularly banal, sometimes borderline offensive, and unoriginal, and their participation in one of the infamous Sam Pepper's most controversial staged "prank"videos makes me question their judgement and taste. But you don't get 2.6 million subscribers without having something going for you and in Colby's case it could be his big, blue eyes, bright smile, and frequently displayed torso. As a fundamentally shallow person, I probably won't spend much time looking at Sam and Colby's Vines and YouTubes, but I'll be perfectly happy looking at his Instagram pictures, a selection of which are below. 

 

Here's Caleb

I don't know a lot about handsome Caleb Thetard, but he seems to be from South Africa, and he clearly spends a lot of time surfing.  I love his face, and everything else about him, but at 5'10' he's going to need a growth spurt if he wants to be a successful model.

Mr. Mateus Ward

Do you know 17-year-old American actor Mateus Ward? If not, allow me to introduce him.  To date he has appeared almost exclusively on American TV, specializing in "troubled teen" roles.  He recently completed a starring role in an independent film called The Meanest Man In Texas, a 1930s prison drama, written and directed by his father.  From the looks of things, Mateus may be setting himself up for more adult roles now.  He looks less like a 17-year-old and more like the kind of 25-year-old who usually plays 17-year-olds on TV.